I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Randomize
