i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
