not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
