I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
