Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
