It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.