Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...