You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
