oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Drunk is not a location!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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