when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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