okay pat passed out under dana's car
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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