she was so not down for the gang bang
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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