I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think my moral compass just broke
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
