so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
