your parents love me but you hate me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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