I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
this hospital has no fireball
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
