bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
