i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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