How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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