Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
