people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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