I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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