My nipple is on Facebook.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
