Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
