apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
