I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
