Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
