I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
