Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
birth control should be required to get into college
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
