dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's rum buckets o'clock
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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