if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
