i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
