I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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