i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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