Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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