I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
