just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
