Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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