i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
