I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wish I only lived at night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
