the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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