My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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