currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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