Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
