its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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