It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
