It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
