I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Vodka?
Forever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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