I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
