i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
