Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
