ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
