haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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