So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
