A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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