I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
