I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
