you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
