I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
