True but thats because hes a fetus.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
