Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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