we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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