have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
