North Korea, Best Korea!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
