you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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