dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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