If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
