she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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