Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
